I love my Dad.
He can be the most exasperating man on the face of this earth, but ultimately the coolest and sweetest guy .
Sent me a message entitled "Dump and Run Thoughts," this week.
Very telling
Not to be mean spirited, but he deserves this:
Dump and Run Thoughts could sum up his life philosophy a bit, from MY angle anyway.
He, or others that have had the pleasure to know him, may feel differently.
I can only comment on what I see, what I feel.
Dump and Run and the Janka Hardness Scale
So, like all of my favorite men I've ever known or wanted to know, my dad is brilliant, witty, quick, sarcastic, honorable and true to himself. Also very handsome. Health concious too. A mean tennis player, golfs everyday, rides motorcycles, sails, and skis on snow and water. He has a great ear for music and is usually very laid back. I cannot tell you how annoying it has always been, the few times I've introduced him to women I know, to have them invariably want me to "set them up". Gross. No way in hell I'd pimp out my dad. Haven't met any women actually worthy of him-maybe that's why he never remarried after my parents split up 38 years ago-he's a free spirit-and isn't the type to settle for unworthy love). Besides, he's perfectly capable of choosing a mate, if he wanted one.
He will not be pushed around. He is an enigma. It is difficult sometimes to find the shortest distance to connect our points. (Uh, geometric reference-NOT my strong point). Especially in conversation, I'll get to that in a minute.
He'll go through periods of complete and total incommunicadoness-he calls it hanging out in his cave-before rubber banding back to a few people with whom he wants to communicate. Yes, that is a Mars and Venus reference, he gave me a copy of the book when I got married, saying he wished the book had been around when he was married to my mom. It might have helped save their marriage, he said. Did I mention he was insightful?
Did I mention he is also a reader with excellent taste? We found out about a month ago that we shared the same taste in writers-Irving, Robbins, Conroy and both enjoy a well written mystery and works of non-fiction too. Last time he borrowed a couple of my favorites, and promised to bring them back. I'll bet he will. Oh, and he's also a good cook, a hiker and suseptable to beach combing. Excellent photographer too. A little bit of a hippy, but you wouldn't know it by looking at him. Very clean cut. Reads, and encourages me to read things like Consumer Report and Car and Driver. Loves to build things and enjoys good restaurants and traveling. Very cultured. Political Science major, who wanted to be a writer, but suffered writer's block in a creative writing class in college and gave it up for a long time. He likes fast cars. He's about as All American as you can get, in my opinion. Charming and exceedingly polite to strangers on the street.
During these cave periods, I try to be a good daughter, and keep the lines of communication open by calling, monthly, leaving unanswered phone messages, just so he'll know I'm not mad at him for ignoring me. Letting him know I'll always love him, no matter how long he's "gone."
That certainly does not mean I don't get really, really, hurt by his absence from my life. And I don't just get hurt, I get really, really, pissed off that he can just disappear that way.
I'd like to disappear sometimes too, but I have way too many people counting on me to "be there" for them. The deal is, I get a HUGE amount of pleasure from being able to comfort my friends. To be the one to put a smile on someone's face when they are having a hard time. Not to be able to get in touch with my dad, make him smile or laugh when he's having a hard time, well, it is one of the hardest things for me. Feels a little like rejection, when I choose to take it personally.
Sometimes he'll even tell me ahead of time, that he's about to check out for a while, and that it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I can hear him say that, I appreciate his making the effort to let me know, but it still hurts. It hurts because I feel like I haven't done enough to show him everything has a reason, and that there are happy things out there with which to occupy his mind.
Anyway, he's been helping me out lately. He likes to take on projects, and apparently, he likes to write.
Some of my favorite letters I've ever received came from my dad. He sent me a note entitled Dump and Run Thoughts the other day. Clever title. He was asking me to make a gigantic pile of all the things I don't need so he could take the "junk" to the dump. Very nice, except he then proceeded to point out all of the things HE felt needed to be junked-my great-grandmother's table (which is currently holding up my monitor and keyboard), my first desk, and a bunch of old picture frames he doesn't see any potential in. This is what bothers me. You don't JUNK things that have sentimental value. At least I don't. I need to keep my old letters of encouragement, my Great-Grandma's table (we used to cut out Betsy McCall paper dolls, and play checkers and Scrabble and the Game of Life on it. Also it was a station for making hand pulled taffy and popcorn balls) I'm NOT junking my table. I'm not JUNKING my desk, or my old wooden frames. I'll also not be leaving my JUNKER upright piano from the 1800s behind. That piano was used in one of the first churches in my city. It has character and a great tone in spite of not having been tuned. It has a soul, and it needs me to take care of it. Sorry dad. Appreciate your effort though.
Here's some perspective: In this note from my dad the other day, where he was clearly only trying to help, he also gave his grandson and me an ASSIGNMENT. A little HOMEWORK, if you will. We were to google the Janka Hardness scale, study and be able to name the hardness or durability of hardwood floors. Mine is fir. He is concerned, because he loves taking care of things and appreciating fine craftsmanship, about my flooring. My dad rocks.
I let him know ahead of time, I would not be able to complete the assignment, but we'd talk about it later. I am 40 years old, afterall, and allowed to put my foot down when I have other deadlines to meet.
So after being completely helpful, but slightly quiet for most of our visit, we finally got around to the assignment. I was able to discuss (without having peeked at the scale) in some detail, the qualities and usefulness of several different types of wood. We even got around to good wood for boats. (that would be teak, thank you very much, and I did raise my hand, and wait to be called upon-a slight dig at my dad's lecture series, he knew it was in good fun.)
I think he was very pleased with our discussion, and that both my son and I could converse with some knowledge about something that was important to him. After the wood discussion, we moved on to other, forgive the pun, hard issues.
Issues like communication styles, the history of migraines, family trees, and the trouble he, his grandson and I all have performing on cue-specifically in regard to social events and creative writing Apparently, writing is of some interest to him. I did not know that until last Sunday. Imagine not knowing a thing like that about your own father? I suspect this will be yet another pleasant surprise. I'm delighted. We'll be talking more about that next time, I'm sure.
About the Janka Scale? It is true that fir is one of the softest woods, and not as durable as Brazilian Cherry or Zebra or Maple-BUT, it has served my home for more than a hundred years, and it is gorgeous. I think it'll all be okay. And another thing, The foundation of my soul, my personal hardwood floor, is actually closer to the quality of fur. Yes Fur. Finishing off a hardwood floor is a lot of work, lots of layers of protectant required, but I prefer to leave my soft foundation as it is. Soft, warm and comfortable.
Thats all I have to say today about renovating my HOUSE. There will be more later, I'm sure.
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